I feel...
that this is a dream.
None of it's real.
Nothing's what it seems.
But sometimes I wake
with a gasp and a start.
Like being thrown in a lake,
the cold waking my heart.
And I look up in fear
at what I've done.
It's bringing me to tear,
this monster I've become.
The things I've said,
the people I've hurt.
I wish I were dead,
Six feet in the dirt.
This can't be real.
I won't let it be.
I don't want to feel.
I don't want to be me.
So I slip back into dreams,
where everything's okay.
Nothing's as it seems,
but I get through the day.
Been down this road before.
Those same old monsters are knocking on my door.
I thought that I buried them deep under the floor.
Some how they got back inside.
I thought the old me had died.
Apparently he lied.
I let them back in through the cracks.
Little by little the light turned black.
Nothing is what it seems, just give me my life back.
I talked so much about change.
Kept saying everything is not staying the same.
No matter how I got here, I am still to blame.
Shame is what I feel within me.
This is not the person that I want to be.
I am stuck somewhere in the middle and I can not see.
So sick of this person that I have become.
Feeli
In a dark room, curtains drawn,
We bask in the flickering lights of a movie upon your bed
It is not the television that I gaze at, though,
It is your gentle face lit elegantly and accented by the gems of your eyes
My own eyes fall to bear the space that separates;
How I wish that those inches whither away to naught more than what we are clad
Slowly, I bring myself closer,
Until I can no longer can I pull myself in without you knowing what I yearn
My eyes fixate upon your palms;
My fingers stretch out to meet yours, but I halt in introverted doubt
To my shock, your hand grasps mine;
A luminous smile greets my gaze and I fall into yo
As I lay here
I am completely vulnerable;
Bare and exposed
As I lay here
All that covers me;
Is the air that surrounds
As I lay here
A shield surrounds me;
Strong and impenetrable
As I lay here
I look down to see your arms;
Pulling me in close
As I lay here
I shut my eyes;
and drift off blissfully
I lay here in the embrace of my protector;
My guardian
My Love
An economic ecosystem:
Generously unforgiving,
But open to opportunity.
Tolerently intolerable,
accepting chaos as peace.
Nature is synthesized,
The Earth is of asphalt,
And words are backed only by bullets.
maybe - LGBTQIA, romance.. - J by PyroShadow18, journal
maybe - LGBTQIA, romance.. - J
New poem.
Thanks for reading.
Take care.
~~~
maybe
Written by: J
Date: October 20, 2018
Time: 7:05 PM
thanks.
I hope you like this one. Stay safe.
I love you.
~~~~
maybe
~~~~
I saw you, that one time. You were sitting by yourself in the lunchroom.
Classes were just ending. I wondered why you were by yourself..
Maybe, you liked to be alone?
Who knows.
I didn't. But I wasn't judging. I just thought it was interesting.
Maybe that was your time for prayer.
Or something unique, within yourself.
We all have our notions.
And our weaknesses..
True.
What was your weakness?
I never did find out.
That wasn't my business.
And maybe,
You gave him to me
Then took him away
What part of you thought
That would be okay
You sent him to me
And then took him back
What made you think
I'd be okay with that
Maybe I’m asking for a little too much
But my soul is aching to feel his touch
You showed me forever
Then burned it away
What part of you thought
That I'd be okay
You offered an angel
And then let him die
What made you think
That I would survive
Maybe I’m asking for more than what’s right
But my heart is burning to see him tonight
The smile on his face
The look in his eyes
The joy that I felt when I stood by his side
But now that’s all gone
And all th